Sexual vs Sexy

Demystifying the Sexual Instinctual Drive

One of the most persistent misunderstandings about the sexual instinct is that it's merely about finding a romantic partner or creating intimate bonds. While it's true that sexual types often seek profound connections, this surface-level assumption misses the instinct's deeper and more primal function. At its core, the sexual instinct is a biological imperative, a drive that operates at the unconscious Id level, working to ensure survival through attraction, competition, and the cultivation of depth.

More Than Just "Sexy"

It's important to clarify that being "sexual" in the Enneagram does not equate to being "sexy" or overtly focused on sexuality. In fact, a focus on the physical sexual act and its corresponding pleasures is more of a Self Preservation concern. Moreover, any type can be objectively “sexy.” Instead, the sexual instinct is about the drive to be desirable—physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. This desirability is necessary not just to form a bond but to form a bond that is deep, intense, and exclusive. For the sexual type, the fear of not having this connection, of not being desired by a special other, can feel as existentially threatening as death.