In-Depth Analysis: Paris Hilton, Sevens, and Pain Avoidance
Charting the Seven's journey from pain avoidance to inner development
As proud card-carrying millennials, we still consume a lot of “cheugy” media, including following the original influencer, Paris Hilton. We type Hilton as a Sexual 749, and her reality show, now in its second season, Paris in Love, provides a glimpse into the woman behind the tiny chihuahuas, Juicy Couture tracksuits, and the now iconic baby voice proclaiming, “That’s hot” about any and everything (whether it’s actually hot or not).
Hilton’s life in the spotlight has not been without scandal, from some highly questionable videos that surfaced in the mid-2000s of her using a racial slur, sex tapes (leaked by the now disgraced creator of Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis) to a bevy of messy relationships with Hollywood bad boys; Hilton is no stranger to both the illuminative power of celebrity stardom and the dark side of over-exposure and unmitigated privilege.
In recent years, Hilton has worked to rebrand herself in a way that, she says, reflects her true self, including more frequent use of her actual voice, which is much more refreshing and less infantile. As a result, Hilton has made headlines with her revelations about being kidnapped from her home by boarding school officials at 16 years old (at the request of her parents) and taken to a well-known, high-end boarding school where she was subjected to various forms of psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Her newfound and uncharacteristic emotional transparency and confessional approach revealed something important about the inner world of the Seven, and even more about the path of the Seven’s healing.
Sevens are known for their upbeat, vibrant, and carefree approach to life and their voracious hunger for novel ideas and experiences. Sevens spend much of their lives running away from negative emotions by immersing themselves in a whirlwind of external activity and intellectual distractions. Hilton’s life, until her late 30s, was a textbook example of how abundant resources and a pervasive inner need to escape one’s trauma or demons fuels the Seven’s increasingly desperate need to flee their pain.
Hilton’s partying, drug use, excessive spending, and public antics were, according to her, a desperate attempt to transmute the depth of her trauma and pain while still avoiding the hard work of inner analysis. Sevens are notoriously anxious about introspection for the fear that they will become trapped in a sticky swamp of despair from which they may never recover. However, as they mature, many of them find that their life of fleeing the proverbial scene of the emotional crime catches up with them, and they eventually, like all of us, have to face the music and deal with their pain.
Hilton’s public reckoning with the abuse she experienced at the hands of the faculty and staff at the boarding school reached a fever pitch as she found herself no longer able to ignore the effect of the trauma on every aspect of her life. She documented this journey in her documentary “This is Paris.” In the documentary, Paris reveals her never-ending search for true love through abusive and exploitative toxic relationships with wildly inappropriate men while also being wrecked with debilitating anxiety and shyness (a reality that spawned the iconic baby-voiced Barbie doll persona), severe insomnia, and PTSD symptoms, and increasing dissatisfaction with her life.
However, because of a lifetime of running away from her pain and a considerable amount of familial trauma, which modeled cultivating a perfect image at the expense of authenticity, Paris found herself no longer enjoying the high-octane distractions that had become synonymous with her public image. Paris has, in recent years, become increasingly more confessional (a feature of her having Sexual Four in the type), feeling a need to communicate and show her pain while still grappling with the co-occurring shame and fear of being undesirable or inadequate because of that pain.
Sexual Sevens have a greater propensity toward exploring their demons due to the sexual instinctual drive toward intensity and inner depth; however, because they’re Sevens, the fear of being seen as inferior due to their sadness or pain often causes them to avoid showing their pain to others. Trifix greatly influences how willing the Sexual Seven will be to reveal themselves, with those having Two or Three less likely to break their “cool” or positive image.
All Sevens fear being seen as inferior and, as such, cultivate a superior image that they find desirable, which often includes being worldly, cool, intelligent, fun, and fearless. Usually, this covers over a bevy of suppressed emotions, unacknowledged anxieties, and an inability to fully enjoy or experience their many distractions due to an emotional numbness that develops to avoid exploring the depths.
Paris In Love showcases plenty of iconic Paris Hilton-isms: over-the-top outfits, an obsession with tiny animals, coining ridiculously silly slang like “sliving,” with a generous dose of whimsy and innocence, and appearances of the infamous baby voice. However, the reality show also reveals the inner world of the Seven as she grapples with her trauma, navigating new motherhood (something she deeply craved), confronting the roots of her workaholism and excessive independence, and navigating the first stable, loving relationship with a man she’s experienced in her lifetime. We also see that old habits die hard. Despite publicly revealing her abuse and recent revelations of a sexual assault and abortion (which she concealed from virtually everyone in her life), she still finds it difficult to discuss her pain in real-time.
The documentary also highlights the complicated dynamic with her mother, Kathy Hilton (a textbook Social 937), and their difficulty navigating challenging conversations as both are notoriously conflict-avoidant. The show features many awkward scenes where the two dance around discussing the details of her painful past revealed in her memoir, often defaulting to "easy relating” (a common desire for both 9s and 7s) instead of having the hard conversations needed to shift their relationship dynamic. However, despite the discomfort, we often see Paris’ desire to push past her awkwardness to stay true to the emerging need to be authentic, recognizing that speaking her truth may be a clue to setting herself free, despite her desire to maintain her inner comfort and fear of making others sad with her pain (a common refrain for Sevens).
The 479 Trifix, no matter which type is leading, has extreme difficulty expressing negativity despite having a keen inner awareness and identification of their pain. Although Paris is a textbook Seven, melancholy and palpable vulnerability frequently emerge. She often surprises us in her confessional scenes, revealing potent insights about her inner world and a keen awareness of relationship dynamics that have become limiting despite only recently entering traditional therapy (something she avoided even after releasing a documentary about her abuse and a memoir detailing other trauma).
We often teach that Sevens have to “dip their toe” into pain and pull it back out to be able to tackle it, lest it feel overwhelming and unmanageable, threatening to slow them down and pull them into the swamp. However, Sevens must learn that two embody true joy; they must confront the reality of their pain and stop avoiding inconvenient emotions. None of us can truly outrun the pain, particularly if it's traumatic. As the famous book by Bessel Van Der Kirk states, “the body keeps score” and will force us to grapple with our pasts lest it infect our future happiness.
While you may or may not be a Paris Hilton fan, she’s a fascinating character study in the complexity of Seven’s defense strategies. Hopefully, she’ll prove to be an example of how the Seven, through doing their work, can develop greater depth and authenticity by slowing down (as much as they’re able) and realizing that by avoiding the swamp, it only grows deeper and darker. The only way out is through.